The Italian Job

Wow. That was a two hour commercial for a mini cooper. And that's about it.

Let's see. Donald Sutherland is a master thief, Mark Wahlberg is his right hand man, and Charlize Theron is his oh so cute daughter. And then there's Ed Norton. Oh yeah, and a lovable band of sidekicks. They're so cute and goofy.

Now, you know from the previews that Donald Sutherland is going to die. And it's not a surprise in the slightest. After making one last score. Because we've never heard that before. They steal lots of gold. Ed Norton is evil, (you can tell because he has a mustache) and steals it from the thieves, shoots Sutherland, and thinks he kills Mark E. Mark and the lovable sidekicks.

A year passes, and Ed Norton has reappeared with the stolen gold, and the still living Mark Wahlberg (though it's hard to tell) and the rest of the lovable gang emerge from their supposed death to go get their gold back. Charlize Theron follows her daddy's legacy as a safe cracker.

The thieves plot. There's gold. And explosions, don't forget those. The movie, however, has no plot. It has no suspense. I mean, with big thief caper movies, there usually isn't, but this is worse than normal. The hook in this type of movie is not if they're going to get the money, but how. And I honestly didn't care. The engaging action sequence at the end never actually engages. You don't see enough about the lovable sidekicks to actually love them. Or even like them. I love Seth Green, but his character was just annoying and badly written.

I feel like someone put a gun to a writer's head and told them to write a crime movie. And the guy turned this out in 2 hour or 3 weeks or whatever, and no one bothered to edit it.

I mean, I'm all for remakes. Ocean's 11 was fantastic.

This was not.

If you end up watching it, just bliss out by watching the mini coopers. And the explosions. And turn off the part of your mind that actually thinks.

All of the actors are pretty to look at. Especially Jason Statham. Just don't listen, so you won't realize how bad the acting is.